Tuesday, November 9, 2010

You know what stinks...

Billy's still not well.

But there's more (unsurprisingly). What stinks even more is that when he's not well, he's also unable. Not disabled, so much as unable.

He struggles to do all the stuff he's learned are possible (the things that don't come naturally). Things like:

  • it's a good idea to answer people when they ask you a question
  • it's even better to look at them
  • loud noise is bad, but seriously it won't kill you
  • walking on your toes isn't always the best option
  • listening to and following instructions is, unfortunately, not an elective choice
  • waving your head in the air like Stevie Wonder feels great, and yet, might make your peers freak out
  •  repeating the same thing endlessly might be soothing to your brain (and even hilarious) but people around you are starting to pull out their own eyelashes in frustration

Now, the accepting all encompassing humanist in me says, 'Who cares about any of those things?' And that is a huge part of me. So really, I don't care. He's sick. Cut him some slack.

But, add Billy's tendency to hold onto a bug for waaaaaaay longer than most kids (we're onto day 15 of this one) and you've got a kid who is at home from school a LOT.

Because there is no point in sending him. Because he cannot control it. And I do not want him hearing that he 'needs to...', 'should be able to...', 'is old enough to...' when he cannot control it. Even at hippy school, which is as understanding and loving as a school could be.

Illness makes everything harder to access.

It's like his neurological capabilities shut down from the extremities first - from the outside in. Who knows, maybe it's a primitive fight/flight/freeze thing. The brain is taking care of core business, and the regional offices close until cash flow is improved.

So (and here's the pathetic woe-is-me bit)... I hate looking like the crazy Munchhausen's by proxy mother (again). He's not hideously ill. He's not contagious (though there's a whole other post in germ risk minimisation coming from Billy, not going in to Billy... it's amazing how generous he is with his boogies). But it doesn't seem fair to chuck him into the world when he's operating on half speed.

Let's face it, it doesn't seem fair to send him out on a good day.

When sound and light and smell and movement flips his chatty brain into a place where responding to a simple 'Hi Billy' seems too hard... it just sucks.

The upside? More time with my boy... who, at the grand old age of seven, has announced that my days of calling him 'Baby' and 'My Tiny Prince' are over.

Actually, that sucks a bit too.

Did I mention the dog is in hospital, having eaten something deeply inappropriate?

I need chocolate.


fiona2107 said...

You need a hug, some chocolate, some bubbles ( the alcoholic sort) and another hug.

It sucks that Billy is sick again but MAN he's blessed to have such an awesome mum x

Lisa said...

Oh thank you.
I thought I was having a bad week - although they are unsurprisingly similar.

The dog ate the chocolate.
That is why the dog is in hospital and you haven't got any chocolate. Obvious.

Our dog has arthritis, and the supplements cost an arm and a leg.

Mr. Curly just *can't* shake his asthma/eczema bout - looks awful, and is behaving like the most revolting teenager with a hair-trigger temper. Wouldn't you if you have a constantly stuffed nose, can't breath, can't sleep and itch all day?

Doesn't stop his swearing, cursing, refusing, behaviour from bringing out the worst in the rest of the family!

After a few days at home, I'm prone to sending him to school just so as not to murder him...

I'm getting panicked phone calls from Dreamer's school worried about the fact that he won't 'graduate'. Shit, if he hasn't jumped through the education system hoops and passed anything in two years, I think it's time to try something different.

Dreamer has taken to having 'naps' every hour or so... or whenever he's asked to *do* something - help hang out the laundry, then have a shower requires an hour nap in between.

It's all been making for very. long. days.


K- floortime lite mama said...

hugs and hugs my friend
hope billy feels better soon
They always appear to "regress" how I hate that word - when ill
Actually I regress too
Then miraculously they recover once well
Its so isolating to
Like I heard somewhere Its like there is an I of illness and there is such a We in Wellness

carriemumof2withasd said...

gosh I love ya Val :) there is so much of your life that reminds me of mine lol.
I DO hope billy gets better babe :) I hate it when they are sick. My 2 are the same, my son more so he just can't even manage to do....well...anything!!

Take care sweet and if you can find one a hurshies peanut butter bar makes every thing all better....then again so will a little vino ;) x