But this past Christmas has got me thinking about the last remaining dark thoughts relating to Billy's diagnosis.
We're pretty good to go in terms of the future. We're happy that he is who he is, and we're prepared to fight hard to make sure he's allowed to be himself. But the past really gets up my nose sometimes.
In short, I reckon we are owed a few apologies. More specifically, I am due a few apologies.
All the people, some close to me and some not, who told me I was wrong when I tried to tell them something was going on. You owe me a big fat sorry.
The Early Childhood Nurse who was supposed to pick up 'issues' in babies and mothers... you were wrong. I was right. Ordinarily, in normal life, being wrong and hurting someone over it, requires an apology.
The four paediatricians - one after the other who suggested I try anti-depressants, long day care, playgroups, actively un-attaching from my child... you were wrong. And I was right.
Some of my family members, on both sides, who chose to believe I was a hysterical worrier. You were wrong.
The family members who still believe I am a crazy woman. You are completely wrong.
There's something quite profound going on with our child, and it's been there since he was a baby... remember? When I asked you for help...
You should really say sorry. And if you can't find it in your hearts to say sorry to me, then do me a favour.
Be really, really nice to other parents and children that might be struggling with understanding a potentially serious condition in their child. Switch off your judgement, it has no beneficial function. Offer your help instead - what have you got to lose? Look beyond behaviour and see the people inside.
They are little kids, and parents. And more likely than not, they are trying their best.
More than that, they may be in the process of trying to accept their worst nightmare - that there might be something wrong with their child. It's an emotional journey that none of us want to take, but so many of us have to take. I still don't understand why people didn't feel the need to give us a shoulder to cry on... maybe I'm surrounded by pretty hard folk. Or maybe people just find it too hard to care.
This is the only thing that can make me cry now... we deserved better.
We still deserve better.
1 comment:
Val, you are truly a gift.
I can't say sorry for them, but I can say thank you for me. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe we are all here to help each other. Whether we know one another or not. You help others every day - you are an inspiration.
I am going to write a post on this quote - and how well it applies to my life (and many others) now:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe
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